The pressure to be merry: Navigating expectations at Christmas

The festive season is often portrayed as the “most wonderful time of the year” – a time for joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for some, Christmas can bring a different set of emotions: stress, anxiety, sadness, or grief. The pressure to feel merry, to participate in traditions, and to meet social expectations can take a toll on mental wellbeing. 

Able Futures can help you navigate your emotional needs and set boundaries that support your mental health. 

The myth of constant cheer 

From adverts and films to social media posts, Christmas is often idealised as a time of perfect families, sparkling homes, and endless joy. But real life can be a lot harder, and it’s okay if you feel the emotional pressure of the holidays. 

Many people face emotional challenges during the holidays, including: 

• Grief or loss of loved ones 
• Loneliness or isolation, especially for those living alone 
• Family conflict or strained relationships 
• Financial stress 
• Burnout from year-end workloads and social obligations 

When these realities clash with the expectation to be cheerful, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or shame. You might ask yourself, “Why don’t I feel happy when everyone else seems to?” But the truth is: you’re not alone, and your feelings are valid. 

The impact on mental health 

The pressure to be merry can manifest in several ways: 

• Masking emotions to avoid judgment or disappointing others 
• Overcommitting to events or responsibilities out of guilt 
• Neglecting self-care in favour of meeting others’ expectations 
• Increased anxiety or low mood from trying to “keep up” with festive norms 

These pressures can be especially intense for people already managing mental health conditions. That’s why it’s important to approach the season with compassion – for yourself and others. 

Setting boundaries that protect your wellbeing 

Boundaries are not barriers – they’re tools for self-preservation. They help you stay grounded, reduce stress, and make space for what truly matters to you. 

Here’s how to set healthy boundaries this Christmas: 

1. Manage your calendar so that you don’t get overwhelmed 

You don’t have to attend every event or meet every expectation. Declining an invitation or opting out of a tradition is a valid choice if it protects your peace. 

2. Limit social media 

Comparison can be a thief of joy. If scrolling through curated holiday posts makes you feel worse, take a break or unfollow accounts that trigger stress. 

3. Create your own traditions 

If traditional celebrations don’t resonate with you, design your own. Whether it’s a quiet day with a book, a walk in nature, or volunteering – do what feels meaningful. 

4. Communicate your needs 

Let loved ones know how you’re feeling and what you need. Honest conversations can lead to deeper understanding and more supportive relationships. 

5. Prioritise rest 

Give yourself permission to slow down. Rest is not laziness – it’s a vital part of recovery and resilience. 

Honouring your emotional needs 

It’s okay to feel joy. It’s okay to feel sadness. It’s okay to feel both at once. 

The festive season can be complex, and your emotional experience doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. By tuning into your needs and responding with kindness, you can navigate Christmas in a way that feels authentic and manageable. 

Support is available 

If you’re finding the festive season difficult, Able Futures is here to help. We offer no cost, confidential mental health support for people in work through the Access to Work Mental Health Support Service. 

You don’t have to wait until the new year to feel better. Support is available now – and it’s tailored to your needs. Learn more or apply for support today.